My Cancer and God's Response

Been a while since I hit some keys on this page. But I do have a good excuse. We were about to head of to Youth Snow Camp at the beginning of September. When the week before I started vomiting - so of to the GP Doctor I went to hear that to the Snow Camp I would not be going. So I entrusted the Snow Camp to my dear wife, and I sat at home, sick as a dog. Now when you are at home by yourself you generally don't look in mirrors and so it was with me, until on the day my wife was due back I had a shower. It then that I noticed I was as yellow as someone straight out "The Simpsons". Me being me, I thought it must be lack of water and salt in the body and so I drunk and ate more -which just made me vomit more. Anyhow, my nurse sister in Auckland found about my yellow state and after a doctor came to see me - I ended up in hospital. It was a place where I was to stay for the next two weeks. I won't go into the dramas of that stay now, but I did journal it. What I will say is that I have Hodgkin's lymphoma. It is a form of cancer of the glands in your body. I am a couple of months into a fortnightly chemotherapy treatment that will go for 8 months. All I will say is that Chemotherapy sucks. At present I am quite well in between Chemos - but get sick for a couple days after each one. But anyhow, that is where I am at but let me ask the bigger question - where is God in it?
I was told the other day - not to worry it is all a part of God's plan. I have decided that is wrong. In this world God gets blamed for a whole lot of things that I believe break his heart and in fact he hates. Things such as cancer, poverty, rape, etc how can you say these things are all a part of God's plan as if God has intentionally placed these things in our paths or the paths of others around the world. I don't believe you can. Romans 8 talks about the whole world groaning as as a woman in labour pains waiting for Jesus' return when we will get free from the curse of death and decay. I believe in this we find the answer to my Hodgkin's and everything else. You could say I am feeling the "groan" - I am feeling the result of a fallen world - just as with poverty we see the result of a fallen world. When creation fell - the earth changed, and death and decay became a part of life. Humanity has turned from wisdom and through bad health practices, greed, etc we have stuffed the environment of the planet created for us and most of the world barely has enough to eat. Most of it is based on our decisions - yet we still blame God. My cancer is simply a result I believe, of living in a fallen world. It is not God' ultimate plan for me - we see God's ultimate plan in Eden and will taste it in a new heaven and new earth - for now through we live in a fallen world with things like poverty and cancer. This then poses a question - could God have prevented it? I say yes - he could off. But for me not preventing something is very different from intentionally giving someone something. God didn't prevent me from getting Hodgkin's - why cause I believe God can use the bad things of this world and bring good out of them. It doesn't mean he takes joy in it. I believe God hates the cancer in me more than I do - he created us and me for heaven not this. But God loves everyone - and I believe he is letting me go through this to change me and in some way to bring good out it. Oneday, God will step in, he will call stop to the suffering, death and decay, but that day it will be final and after that will be judgment. The Bible says that God waits cos he wants as many people to turn to him as possible before that day. Of course this is harder to reconcile when you think poverty. What good can God bring out of poverty? That I believe is a harder question I don't know the answer to. Good can easily be seen in the result of some people to poverty, but it is harder to find good for the thousands dieing of it in heat of Africa etc. But, again I hold that God hates poverty and oneday will step in and stop it. For more on poverty, what causes it and our response to it in rich nations read "Rich Christians In An Age Of Hunger - By Ronald J. Sider.
Well there are thoughts from me - mumbled and jumbled as they are.
Til next time